the other day I got my car detailed. i had never done it before and it was pretty dirty so… i figured it was a good idea.
but as i was waiting in the car cleaning place for that hour, watching the sweaty men rub clay all over my car and spray it with strawberry scented toxins, i realized, that it was really strange that they call this whole process "detail". I don’t really get it. What kind of details are they adding to the car? And detail isn’t a verb, it’s a noun… you can’t noun a car… or anything for that matter. I think it’s a mis-use of the word. I would like to speak with who ever was responsible for all this… I am enraged!
well not really, but I am perplexed.
It took me a while because i don’t have enough time to do anything these days. It’s a great book. Rock N Roll has changed since the 80’s and there just aren’t bands like motley crue. Most bands are big pussies now, and those guys… they really were out of their god damn minds. Unfortunately, they only had a few good records…. and the more they cleaned up their act the crappier they got. It is such a bad message for people.
In any case, I remember for my boyfriend’s birthday a whole bunch of years ago (I was 18 and he was like… turning 25) I took him to see the "Methods of Mayhem" which was Tommy Lee’s solo project. I think they played like 7 shows in their entire career and I went to one of them. My ex boyfriend was crazy about Motley Crue, he was a drummer and twirled his drumsticks around the way Tommy Lee did… only, he wasn’t playing in arenas he was playing in basements… and he didn’t have a line of groupies who wanted to fuck him, but he did have me… and a few of my friends. He liked me a lot so we wound up being boyfriend and girlfriend for a little while… and then a few months down the line one of the other basement groupies took him away from him. god damn her.
In any case, I took him to see Tommy Lee play on his birthday. I thought it would be a nice thing to do. I remember being kind of excited, but then being throughly disappointed when he played. It was like, nothing like a Motley Crue show at all. Since my boyfriend was like 7 years older than me, he had the pleasure of actually seeing Motley Crue in their prime. I was in the learning my multiplication tables at that time. My ex liked to rub these oh so cool experiences in my face all the time, which made me jealous that the only band I had seen live that wasn’t around anymore, was New Kids on the Block.
So I thought this trip to the show would earn me some bragging points in my life, but really it was just embarrassing. For me, and for mr. Lee. Barely anyone was at the show and it was pretty awful. It wasn’t really hip hop, and it wasn’t rock n roll, and I vaguely remember him getting in a fight with someone else on the stage during the show and ending it early.
In any case, I thought many bad thoughts about the Methods of Mayhem during the show, and on the way home I spent the majority of the ride making fun of them. But now, I feel so awful about it after finishing the book; Tommy in his last few chapters wrote about how passionate he was about it, and described how he wrote all those songs in jail, and how writing them really helped him find himself. Apparently he made collect calls to himself while he was in jail, and left the lyrics on his answering machine as he thought of them. Blah… I don’t know. It was sort of touching.
So Tommy, I apologize for making fun of your solo project. I still think it really sucks, but I um… still love you for it and respect you for it. I also would like to have sex with you sometime before I die, but I think you only like blonds so I don’t know if it will happen.
The other night I had a release party for Porny Monster at The Spotlight Lounge. If you don’t know what that is, it’s a bar in Hollywood with rainbows on the outside that aren’t just there for decoration. It’s a real gay bar; I learned that things are kind of segregated in Los Angeles. In New York, any party you go to will have lots of gay people and lots of straight people there, and most of the straight people sort of act like they’re kind of gay so everyone is sort of one sexuality. I think in New York the lines have been skewed and things aren’t really homosexual, or heterosexual, they’re kind of just sexual. In Los Angeles though, a gay bar is a gay bar and a straight bar is a straight bar. Quite frankly, I don’t really know how I feel about it.
So I had my Porny Monster release party at a total gay bar, and it was great. For one, James St. James was there, and half the reason I even made Porny Monster was just to get his attention anyways. He brought his whole little crew. Apparently everyone who was actually in Party Monster, or the original people who the story is about… know about Porny Monster which is exciting. I showed a little 6 minute clip of the movie, and all the gay guys liked it. From what I learned, gay guys kind of like straight porn…. but they really didn’t like the girl girl scene. A lot of guys in general seem to think girl girl scenes are boring… maybe every guy is a little gay.
So I hope I was able to do something to mend the gay and straight population of people in Los Angeles together. I’m doing it, one party at a time!
I was all excited! I thought I was going to go on Howard Stern… But it turns out I am like… to smart… or something. It’s pretty weird. Maybe Howard should do a show on girls who have their shit together? Should I be flattered about this?
here is the email I got….
Hey Joanna –
I wanted to let you know that I think we’re going to pass on you for Porn Actor’s studio this time around. We had a great conversation and I thought you had an awesome personality, but we’re looking for girls who have had crazier experiences. As weird as it sounds, you almost have your shit together too much – we’re looking for loony girls. Please keep in touch though and I’ll definitely keep you in mind for upcoming segments we have on Howard’s show where we are looking for girls (which happens often). I hope you’re not bummed out about this, in some strange way it’s a compliment. Call me if you have any questions.
i wish there was a private tunnel i could walk through and get from los angeles to new york. it’s starting to make my life really inconvenient.
im going back over the weekend to watch the one and only kylee kross get married. sometimes i get kinda depressed when friends of mine get married… i start to feel really old. however, i am really happy for kylee, she found herself a nice guy that she’s happy with. what do i get her for a present? am i really supposed to get her like, a blender? i just can’t see kylee using a blender.