Arnold Palmer

posted by Punk Porn Princess on February 26, 2007

 

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I’ve been drinking a lot of Arnold Palmer’s as of late. Do you know what they are? It’s that drink that is half lemonade and half iced tea. Arizona (the iced tea company) like made a deal with him some time ago and actually has a bottled Arnold Palmer drink with pictures of him, and his golf stats all over the can. I think the concept much classier than the rapper’s who have energy drinks and what not, because well, Arnold Palmer really did mix lemonade and iced tea when he was on the golf course (or if he didn’t, Arizona wrote a very convincing story that he did). I highly doubt Lil John had any say over the taste of his energy drink. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if you told me that he’s never even tasted it. I mistakenly did once, and it was not good. If I were Lil’ John I would drink an Arnold Palmer over my own drink on any day.

In any case, I have been trying to discover my own drink, and it hasn’t been easy! I really think Mr.Palmer has the only combination that both a) didn’t exist before him and b) actually tastes good.

I tried Orange juice with cranberry, and that wasn’t good. Neither was orange and grape, and I was even adventurous and tried orange juice and sprite, and that was pretty gross. Orange juice doesn’t taste good with really anything, except Vodka. And Sparks kinda sorta already did that.

Cranberry juice already has several mixes out, like cran apple and stuff, so that’s out of the question. Cranberry juice, like orange juice, also tastes good with vodka. However, I think someone out there has drank a cranberry and vodka drink before.

Apple juice doesn’t taste good mixed with anything (except cranberry juice but apple-cran is not nearly as good as cran-apple and like I said before that’s already been done) and come to thin of it, apple juice doesn’t really taste good at all. It’s the kind of thing they fed me at snack break I went to Hebrew school back in the day.

Pineapple juice does taste kinda good with cranberry juice, but what kind of pussy drink is that- pineapple cranberry? I mean, do I look like a pineapple cranberry juice girl? That’s something Hillary Duff would have as her signature drink. Not me.

So I moved onto sodas. The diet-coke with lemon and lime thing was already done so, that was out of the question. Cranberry juice and Coke tastes good, but like… that’s pretty close to cherry coke so I can’t trademark that. Sprite and cranberry juice is pretty much a Shirley temple, sprite and orange juice tastes sort of like medicine, and sprite and pineapple juice tastes like good tasting medicine, but still medicine none the less.

Snapple has already beat me to mixing Iced tea with just about anything, from peaches to pears to apples to like, key lime pie. I think Arnold Palmer came out when Snapple had like 4 flavors. Damn that smart golfer! I hate him!

Anyways, so the moral of the story is… I can make something erotic out or the Exorcist, and I can parody a movie about gay people and replace them with hot girls and have the movie be revered by BOTH homosexual men AND heterosexual men, and women (*cough! it’s called porny monster). I can make a movie where me and Kylee and Sabrina take over the world in skimpy little outfits and dildos… and I did at one point, somehow, convince Larry Flynt to let me make movies…. and I did start a porn company with $400.

But I don’t think I can make a drink, and I also am terrible at golf.

So Arnold Palmer- I salute you!

xoxox

Joanna Angel

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