so last night, i went to the lovely brenda’s apartment. if you don’t know who she is, she is like the main BurningAngel photographer. Once I found out that I was in need of an emergency Valentine, I asked Brenda if I could tag along with her and her date at night. Brenda always has like, several boyfriends at a time so I figured she would be hanging out with someone. She has a kid, and never has a baby sitter… so many times, she brings her kid along with her on dates. I figured if she could bring her kid along somewhere, she wouldn’t mind bringing me somewhere.
But fortunately, Brenda just recently broke up with someone and it turned out, all her other boyfriends have other girlfriends they needed to spend valentines day with, so we were both in luck. I went to her house, and her kid was sleeping. I brought over wine and we ordered sandwiches from a deli that delivered. Brenda and I always loved sandwiches. She likes hers with turkey and cheese and I like mine with just cheese (you know, like a mixture of cheeses and lettuce and tomato). We have admitted to each other that we have both, on many occasions, eaten sandwiches for lunch AND dinner.
Then after we ate the ate the sandwiches and smelled like a mixture of vinegar, mustard and onions… we watched Valley girl, and drank the bottle of wine in about 4 minutes. I was tired, and asked if I could crash there… so me, her and her kid all shared a bed.
I looked at all the snow outside and thought about how there were probably so many girls freezing their toes off in fancy high heel shoes that the had to wear to whatever expensive fancy restaurant they were going to and was extremely thankful for not being one of them. I don’t really mind the cold, but when you’re toes are cold… that’s the worst.
I remember when I was single one year, I got together with friends and did mounds of cocaine in the spirit of "fuck valentines day and everything it stands for". One year I stayed home and cried, one year I went on a date with someone I didn’t know so well and fucked the bar tender in the bathroom while being on the date, and one year I went to an expensive restaurant whose food gave me food poisioning the next day. Come to think of it, this was one of the best Valentines days I’ve ever had. Like Spending time with a friend you haven’t seen in a while, and eating something with lots of mayo on it is pretty fun- and fun for 2 people for less than $24 is a pretty good deal.
Man, that sounded really jewish…
I don’t like Philly. I’m sorry, I just think it’s ugly and stupid. Although I have come to the conclusion that I don’t like most cities that aren’t New York. I did like Paris, I was there a while ago… I liked London too. But I still think New York is better than both those cities.
In any case, I was in Philly yesterday to film the Strip for Pain TV pilot. If you don’t know what strip for pain is it’s basically this game show that my friend Doug Sakmann (yes he is the one who directed the XXXorcist and Repenetrator) and I host and the BurningAngel girls basically like, beat up guys until they can’t take it anymore, and the more pain the guys take the more clothing they take off. It’s pretty awesome. It’s sort of like Jackass, but with hot girls… kind of.
Yesterday Sabrina Sparx, Whisky, Morgan, Chapel and January were all there. We had a good time. You know how hot girls are usually really snotty and annoying and prissy… well… yeah, we’re not. It’s fun to hang out with an awesome hot group of girls and have all of them be awesome. Sabrina really surprised me… she’s like… my height, maybe even smaller… and really beat the shit out of these guys. Maybe when I’m really fanous I’ll make her be her body guard. Wouldn’t that be awesome to have a hot body guard whose like barely 5 feet tall?
Doug and the rest of his crew (from the "backseat conceptions") worked hard on putting it all togethor and making the stage and inventing ridiculous torture devices (like whips made out of cable wires, and bamboo sticks to hit people in the shins with). I hope a TV network picks this up so we can do Strip For Pain all the time and everyone in the world could see it.
You know, I have been doing my thang in the porn world for quite some time now and have been able to make my mark and i think, possibly, change a few things. however the other day i was watching softcore porn on HBO where everyone was having fake sex and the acting was bad, and so was the plot…. and god damn…. something needs to be done. I almost wanted to cry. I think the softcore porn world really needs me, it is crying for my help. To be honest, I don’t even know if I can do it. I mean, is there a way to make softcore made for TV porn any good? I think I am up for the challenge.
See I remember when I used to watch like 80’s movies when I was younger… like 16 candles, or pump up the volume… like when christain slater and winonna ryder were doing it by the croquet table, it kinda turned me on. I rewound it and watched it again and again and even though I couldn’t see anything at all it really turned me on. I don’t know how turned on I would have been if winonna ryder got on top of christain slater with her underwear still on and did some reverse cowgirl (yes, in the "porno" I watched they were doing it with their underwear on and it made no sense. I don’t know if I wasn’t supposed to see that or what… but it was really weird). In fact, I think it would have taught me some really twisted messages about sex. I would have grown up thinking that is how people do it. I also would have thought that no one really enjoys sex because no one looked like they were having fun… and quite frankly, if I was having sex with my underwear on, I would be having just as much fun as they were.
Was that all grammatically correct? There were a lot of tenses in there.
Who is watching softcore porn? Is it little people? Is it older people? Is it pornographers who are home on a Friday night with nothing to do? Is it anyone?
In any case
Within the next 365 days, I promise you… I will make a.. well… if not good then a half-way decent softcore made for TV porno. Not because I really want to, but…. I think I have to.
I watched the Jeffrey Dahmer movie the other day, and it was pretty good. There is something really fascinating about cerial killers… and i’m sure you would agree with me about that. don’t lie, you know you like them. just admit it, it’s ok. everyone has a psychopath deep inside them somewhere that relates to cerial killers in some way.
fuck. did i just say that out loud?
in any case, like… the movie really just ended in the middle of the movie. like, it wasn’t time to end. insted of finishing the movie the director just put up a slide that said "jeffrey went to jail and was sentenced to death blah blah blah blah blah" it was such a cop out. i don’t know if they didn’t have enough money or if the actors got bored and walked out or if the lead role started feeling too creepy and just didn’t want to do it anymore, but whatever it was, was even inappropriate under porn standards.
has anyone else seen the movie? do you agree with me?