it is raining in new york. I kinda like it though. today i walked from Brenda’s place to my place in the rain. I was wearing flip flops and draw string pants from American Apparel. I must say, I wear those drawstring pants like every single day… they are really perfect for sitting my my computer… or even going to get coffee or whatever… they’re like a step up from pijamas, a step down from jeans… they are pretty awful to wear in the rain. I had to change my pants as soon as I got back to my apartment. Does this intrest you at all even the slightest bit? I don’t even know why I am telling you this.
Umm… oh yeah so I went with Brenda to the guido club where she works on Saturday, just for like an hour… did you know that there are clubs in new york that charge 25 thousand dollars for bottles of champagne and people actually buy them?! I was so amazed. I mean, no one should be able to afford that unless you are like Hugh Heffner or something… I don’t get it. What makes expensive champagne so expensive? What on earth do they put in it? I don’t know why but this really disturbed me. I don’t know if I was jealous, or angry, or just surprised but this guido club was a strange black hole in the universe to me. When ever someone purchased one of these outrageously priced bottles of champagne a bunch of dudes with bongo drums came to the table and the waitresses brought some sparkler things and put one inside the cork of the bottle. The DJ also synchronized some confetti to fall from the ceiling and made the music all crazy like for about 30 seconds. It was like a crazy half a minute celebration anytime anyone decided to spend over 10k on something to drink. I told Brenda to bring bongo drums and sparklers and a boom box to the bar next time we go and start mayhem anytime I order a drink with anything other than house liquor. I mean, it is an extra $2 or so to get Grey Goose or Jack Daniels in your drink, and I think that I deserve to get confetti thrown on me for that.
and thats about all i have to say for now.
I’m going back to New York again tomorrow. Yipeee! Twice in one month. Crazyness. I really hate airplanes. I’m going camping when I get back from New York which will be my first real vacation like, since I started BurningAngel.com. It will only be for a week, but there will be no internet there. My therapist told me I should do it. So if you have any problems with me being completely MIA for a week then you should take it up with her, don’t yell at me.
I finished up the movie this week called "Girls Girls Girls." I think I told you guys about that right? Well, yeah, I got to have sex with JENNA HAZE in my scene. Woooohooo! That’s the cool thing about being a director- you get to tell people who you want to have sex with to have sex with you. It rules. It was really fun… my hair was all crimped and 80’s like for the shoot. I hope it looked OK on camera. I mean, will you fans still love me even if I look like a crazy crackhead from the 80’s in a video? Please? She bent me over a bike and banged me. We shot the scene in a bike shop, that fixes bikes (like Harley bikes not like, bmx bikes)… not one that sells bikes so the particular bike we chose to do it on had no motor in it. I hope that no one notices that, or else it will let on that we don’t really know how to ride motorcycles, we just like having sex on them. Between the lack of motor and my ridiculous hair experiment… I really am starting to worry. Don’t leave me fellow blog readers! YOu are all I have in this world.
I am starting to plan out my first movie for Playboy… working for playboy is interesting… they are like the IBM of porno. Don’t worry, I am not making one of those playboy movies where girls stand on the beach and not have sex… I am making a movie for "Spice Studios" where the people in the movies actually do eachother. The movie is pretty much about me wandering around New York City looking for a place to take a shower. Does that make any sense? It came to me in the shower one day. I can’t decide if I should slay a dragon somewhere in the movie or not. It might be too expensive. I hate it how money always gets in the way of my dreams!
OK I think that’s all I had for now.
Yeah, so I just got out of the shower and realized that I only shaved one leg. And yes, it is very noticeable. It’s been like, a week since I shaved last. Do any of you weirdos find this arousing? I bet you all do. Hahaha
why do cable guys come "sometime between 9 am and 7pm?"
like no one else in the world works like that. if i was like the cable guy at my meetings, I would be beat up. Imagine, if like Playboy wanted to meet with me and I was like "I’ll be there between 9 am and 7pm" I mean, I would get punched in the face. Imagine if I tried to schedule a model and she was like "yeah, I’ll be there between 9am and 7pm" I would tell her to fuck off. The cable and the internet isn’t working. I hopped on my roomate’s computer to tell you guys about my anguish towards the cable company. He hates it when I use his computer.
So uh, I should go.
I wanted to write this extensive blog entry about my week in New York, but I still haven’t had the time. Don’t worry I didn’t forget everything. Tomorrow morning I have to go and get my Vagina molded. I don’t know why I capitalized vagina. I felt like it was necessary for some odd reason.
So there will be little Joanna Angel vaginas (or Vaginas) sold in stores everywhere by this time next year. Tomorrow morning is when the mold will be made so my Vagina (or vagina) can be replicated. I’m so sensitive down there. I really hope the molding paste doesn’t give me a yeast infection. If it does I am going to kick the dildo making factory’s ass.
I had so much fun in New York. Yesterday I walked around LA (ok so LA is too big to walk around, so I was really just walking around a parking lot) and thinking about how ugly it was. It was so hot out, and I couldn’t get my hair to look good. I felt gross. I needed more deodorant. I didn’t even have a good reason to be in the parking lot I walked around, it was simply, the only place I could walk to from my house.
But today I got over it. Maybe because I went to see Die Hard-est- what was it called? Hold on lemme go ask someone what it was really called … OK- it was "Live Free or Die Hard" and I honestly hate action movies but this one was pretty fucking good. The scene with the fighter plane at the end was a bit excessive. If you saw the movie you should know what I was talking about. I bet the editor wanted to take it out and the director was like "we spent a gazillion dollars on that scene! we can’t take it out!" and the editor was sitting there going "but it’s stupid dude!" and then the director yelled at him and fired him and hired a new editor. I don’t know why I just invented the whole drama in my head between two people I don’t know. It was fun.
New York. OK- what happened there. Lets give everyone a quick summary.
1. Spent time in my office – did a whole lot of boring shit that will eventually lead to cool exciting shit that will happen to BA in the near future. I hung out with employees- got drunk after work, but with employees so it was sort of like I was still working.
2. Went to New Jersey for World Video signing. That was pretty awesome. I was there with Bellavendetta, Morgan, and January. Morgan got very drunk and spoke about nothing except her pink pen. I got very drunk and walked around barefoot in a gas station- I am pretty sure something seeped into my body and my foot will fall off any day now. January wrote everyone love notes, and Bella well… she is way too tough to do anything stupid. After I got back to my apartment Morgan had some very drunk sex on my couch. I have filmed four guys insert their penises into one girl on camera yet I get shy and silly when 2 people are having sex near me, off camera. Is that weird? I got over it pretty quickly. It actually sounded very hot. Morgan is a few years younger than me and I started to wonder if she knew how to have better sex than I felt pretty dumb. And then I started to feel all competative. Like, Oh yeah? I can to that too! You’ll see! And then I just got horny, and then I just fell asleep. I know she is reading this. Hi morgan =)
Oh yeah- and guess what! I stole your pink pen!
3. Had sex with a condom, on camera with Mayhem and another dude. Mayhem is a new BA girl and she came to the darkside and decided to do videos. Woohoo! She’s really hot. She did a damn good job. We decided to do this video with a condom, because well, I don’t know. It’s been like 5 years since I have had sex with one on and it seemed like a good idea. I kinda liked it. I’m really sensitive and sometimes I feel like a 13 year old boy in bed. It takes me about 5 seconds to cum.. it’s pathetic. Then I am all tired after 15 minutes because at that point I have already cum like 3 times and am about to have another one. The condom made it take a little longer. I was able to get like, a good 9 minutes of fucking in before I started working up to an orgasm and that was pretty awesome. I always knock em but, condoms are OK in my book.
Um. yeah. I did a bunch more shit. Watched the fire works, grilled veggie Kabobs, took make-up sponges out of girls vaginas because they were having a hard time with them. I won’t name names. Unless they give me permission… see when girl’s do videos and they are on their periods they put make-up sponges inside their vaginas… for some reason, of the 5 videos we filmed while I was in New York (I was in 1, and directed the others) 2 of the girls were on their periods. Weird. In any case, both the girls did the make-up sponge trick, neither of them could get them out. I reached my fist in there and did it. It was borderline hot, borderline gross… well that’s what you’re probably thinking. For me it was purely mechanical. I was just trying to help my girlzzzzz out. Yeah.
Blah. Well that whole entry sounded like I wrote it on a lot of speed. I didn’t. I swear. Ew. Gross. I am just high on Bruce Willis, to be honest.