sitting in my bed, answering emails, listening to the debbie harry solo album which I actually kind of like… and eating a frozen dinner. well it’s not frozen anymore i heated it up in the microwave. it really wasnt very good and it didn’t even fill me up! but its like almost 11pm and there is nothing open near me to eat at this hour. I guess I could have cooked something but I didn’t really feel like doing that.
my house is a total mess. I should really clean it but I don’t feel like it. i am moving soon so i figured like- i don’t have to clean… what is the point! i am moving soon! but then i should really pack – and I don’t feel like doing that either.
anyways, i just thought i would check in with you and let you know!
I was on The Howard Stern Show yesterday with Sunny Leone. It was fun. Here’s a couple of clips so you can see what I sound like on Howard Stern.
i can’t stop listening to that teegan and sarah song… that one… you know what i’m talking about… the hit that is like "nobody likes to but I really like to cryyyy" – it’s really fun to dance to. It made cleaning my room a lot more fun, I must admit. I do have the rest of the album… it’s OK. No other song is as good as that one song though. I expected that but I downloaded the whole album anyways.
I went to Vegas and came back. It was pretty exhausting, but fun. I won one AVN award for Cum on My Tattoo 3- the category was called "best specialty release/ other genre". Yes- I swear. There totally is a "/" in the name of the award. Isn’t that whack? I asked someone at AVN what a "best specialty release/ other genre" really means and they told me it was a category for all the awards that AVN felt were award worthy but weren’t sure what category to put them in. Also in the running were 2 different pornos that fetishises plus size girls (one was called "whale watchers") and I believe some kind of granny gang bang thing… and one Belladonna movie where I think she made the girls bark like dogs. I asked my friend at AVN why it was so hard to find a different category for Cum on My Tattoo 3 and they told me there aren’t any other movies where people were cumming on each other’s tattoos- I sort of felt like I was in high school and all the big boob movies and anal movies and interracial movies were sitting at the cool table and me and the granny porn and the fat girl porn were stuck sitting in the back getting spit balls thrown at us- but you know, but hey- at least I was deemed the queen of the loser table.
There weren’t a million people at the AVN expo like there were last year. It was sort of sad! But I was really happy because a lot of people came to see me. Thank you so much if you were one of these people =). But really- it was not nearly as packed as it was last year or the year before. I think this may be because Jenna Jameson was not signing this year. That’s pretty fucking nuts… that she herself had the power to make the entire convention lose a shit load of money. Maybe it wasn’t all her fault but I dunno… I do think a lot of people go to the AVN show to meet Jenna. Speaking of Jenna’s, me and Jenna Haze went to dinner the first night of the convention. It took me like about 40 minutes to get ready for our dinner date, but I think it took her like 2 hours. I wore jeans and boots and a cut up tank top and she wore a dress made by some designer whose name I can’t pronounce. We don’t get to hang out so often because we are both busy but when we do hang out… sometimes I feel like I’m the boy and she’s the girl. We sort of look like that walking next to each other holding hands. I don’t mean this in a bad way. It’s kinda cool to feel like the boy sometimes. Even when I do wear dresses on our little dates, she seems to out girl-ify me with a dress way more daintier than anything I could ever wear in my life.
AHHHH- what else? OH- so I finally got around to seeing my episode of LA Ink. Sorry if that sounded too ego-maniac ish… it wasn’t MY episode per say, but it was the episode that I was on. I must say something- when I was in the shop- everyone, including Corey, the TV crew and Pixie (that shop girl- you know who I am talking about) requested that I fake an orgasm. They tried to drag it out of me in several ways- like Pixie asked me "so what would you sound like if you had to fake an orgasm during a scene?" and I replied – "I don’t fake orgasms during scenes!" and then someone on the TV crew was like "but I mean what if you were working with someone really disgusting and you were just sooo not into him" and I said, "well that wouldn’t happen because I book the guys so I get to choose who I work with." And then, Pixie continued- "well I mean lets just say one day you had to, what would it sound like?"I was like, um like I said I don’t think I will ever really have to do anything, I’m like my own boss… so that’s just not gonna need to happen and then everyone looked frustrated and annoyed and Pixie said- we just want to hear you fake an orgasm is that ok- and I looked around and I was like, eh- alright… sure I can do that… so I yelled one out, and it was over the top and ridiculous- I mean it was officially my first fake orgasm on camera I figured I may as well go all out and make it completely obscene.
So back to my original story- I just watched the episode… and they totally edited it together in such a way where it looked like I just busted out a fake orgasm out of no where while getting tattooed. They completely left out the fact that everyone in the shop was championing for the fake orgasm, except Kat, who was like, way too cool for any of my shenanigans. She was very busy doing an emotionally life changing back tattoo for someone. To make it worse, it was inter-spliced with a little private interview with Corey who said something along the lines of "I just wanted her to shut up so I could finish the tattoo." I know I am a little girly and cheesy and annoying at times… it’s fine… my peppy spirit is what keeps my company going… and some people in the world, specifically like, those dangerously punk rock ones might not be able to handle my personality. But really- I want you all to know, specifically if you are a tattoo artist… that I never fake orgasms in general, and I sure as hell don’t do that when I am getting tattooed. I mean, I will upon request… but I won’t just do it out of nowhere. I want you all to know this. I am a little silly but I’m not THAT annoying. Jeeze!
Speaking of annoying TV appearances… a few days after I got home from Vegas I had to do another one. Playboy TV requested my presence for a TV show they do called "69 Sexy things to do before you Die". Apparently, one of the certified 69 things was to have your "porn fantasy come true" by the help of a porn star. Basically, they wanted me to go to a couple’s house whose sex lives were getting stale and help them indulge in a hot sex scene… at first, it sounded like fun! But once I got to know the details… I was a little disappointed.
The "couple" consisted of a hired actor and actress, the "couple’s house" is a location that everyone in the porn industry rents out for shoots and the "hot sex scene" consisted of two naked people banging their private parts against each-other without inserting them into one another and doing the fake shit I did on LA Ink simultaneously. Yup. I’m sorry to ruin your illusion if you are a 14 year old boy who watches Skinimax late at night- the people having sex on those channels are not really having sex. They are like, dry humping each other naked. Weird… right?
To make it even a little more cheesy, they catered this episode to Joanna Angel by demanding that the fantasy be a "rock n roll fantasy." So not only did I have to direct a fake couple have fake sex, I had to make them do it in moderately punk rock clothes that was loaned from the Playboy wardrobe office. Uggg. I tried really hard to make the episode funny and tried to make light of the situation by adding sarcastic comments in where ever I could but the director was not a fan. She wanted couples across America to watch the episode and be inspired and hopeful- that maybe one day Joanna Angel would come to their house and dress them up in sort of cut up jeans and sort of studded belts and watch them fuck.
I trust Playboy TV because I have done a few things for them at this point and they always make whatever it is that they do wind up looking pretty good. We’ll see how the episode cuts together- who knows. I’ll have to admit, the ridiculousness of it all made it kind of a fun day. Playboy said they wanted me to make the couple do some kind of role-playing thing where the guy was a rock star and the girl was a groupie. I was like, um… well that’s gonna be kinda hard considering that we are in like, a house with mosaic floors and a swimming pool outside. You kind of need a tour bus, or like, a stage, or some kind of bar or club sort of venue to stage that sort of thing. I tried to recommend some other role playing type things that could be done from home… you know like the guy on his hands and knees barking like a dog and the girl purring like a cat and then fighting over one of those pet toys and then putting then dropping the toy and then ravishing each other but they didn’t like that idea. I was a little disappointed because that would have been really hilarious to watch. In fact I think if one day I actually do decide to visit a couple and spice up their sex lives I will make them do just that.
In any case to make this rock-star fantasy something that could be done from the comfort of your own home… I modified the situation to something where the guy was in the living room playing guitar and drinking whiskey and writing songs and the girl stares at him through the window. The um… back story of this scenario is that she followed him home from a show. From my days of having sex with like D list celebrities in bands, I know for a fact that after shows most "rock stars" have to help pack up their equipment and then they usually get something to eat and then they go right to sleep because they are tired- and unless they are like a super huge band "sleep" usually involves the floor of a room where like the rest of the band is also sleeping, as well as their roadies, and managers and merch girl… ect. But you know, none of that really matters in a porno, and it matters even less in a rock n roll fantasy role playing game on Playboy TV.
Anyways, I shot the girl staring at him all dough eyed and shit and then breaking into the house (well not really breaking in- I tried to do it that way but the sun was going down and going in through the back-door wasn’t going to be accommodating to our lighting situation) so alas, the rock- star’s door was just left un-locked. The girl came in, a brief interaction between them took place where the guy did the "oh my god what are you doing in my house" type thing and the girl was like "Oh I followed you home" and the guy acted angry and freaked out for a second but then quickly changed his state of mind when the girl took her shirt off. I told the girl to say " I want to see you rock out with your cock out" and then told the guy to take this as a request to play a crazy tune so he started "rocking out" and then she interrupted his song with a more sexual "no- no- did you hear me? I want you to rock out- WITH YOUR COCK OUT" and then start playing with his cock. I don’t know. The delivery really could have been quite funny but the actor and actress were taking it too seriously and no matter how many times I asked them to do it over it just wound up looking like… well you know… a porno- just not a Joanna Angel porno really. Ah who knows. I did have fun, the whole thing was pretty ridiculous- and you know what, I contemplated not telling any of you about the reality of the reality of the show so if any of you watched this you could have indulged in the fantasy a little bit. But after talking to the "couple" a little bit, they admitted that they both appeared on other episodes of "the 69 sexiest things to do before you die"- the girl appeared as someone else’s girlfriend before and the guy appeared on a few of the episodes as a "single guy" out with other single guys- doing something adventurous that ended up in some more fake sex with other women. So yeah- once I found that out… I was like… yeah, I don’t think Playboy really cares so much about making this look real. If they did, they would have strategically used 69 different people in the 69 different episodes.
Ah yes. I’m on an Airplane now on my way to New York. In the beginning of this entry I was at my desk in LA. About half-way through writing this I had to take a break and save the entry and start back over. I don’t know why but I thought I should let you know this. The guy next to me is trying to look over his shoulder and figure out what I am typing and he totally saw my ROCK OUT WITH YOUR COCK OUT sentence because it was in caps. In fact, that was part of the reason I put it in caps in the first place. I don’t know why. Business men on airplanes should read the word COCK more often.
Why am I going to New York? Well other than the fact that New York is awesome, I am going to be on the Howard Stern show tomorrow morning. I don’t know what happened, someone over there changed their mind about me. I’m actually really nervous. I don’t ever get nervous about doing anything with the media but he’s kind of intimidating. I had a dream last night that I was too lame for the show and they sent me home. Is that weird?
Anyways, that’s it.
Thanks for reading all this
In the car on my way to Vegas
It’s pretty cool that I have the ability to update my website from a moving car. I mean really! It makes me feel old to think about how crazy that shit is. When I was little, we didn’t even have cellphones. I don’t even think we were advanced enough to have cordless phones back then. Zack Morris had one though- but was that a cell phone? Or did he just take his cordless phone to school… I don’t remember… but that thing was awesome.
Hum de hum hum. Happy new year everyone. My new years was fun… a little bit stressful at the beginning. I threw a party and had the genious idea to show up at 11:15 with about 30 people and I couldn’t get everyone in… so a lot of people had to wait outside and go in in groups of 3 or 4 over the next hour. I felt bad, some of my um "homies" who work at the Angel with me had to spend the stroke of midnight outside, with one very angry doorman yelling at them to stand behind a rope. From 11:30 till like, 12:30 I was kinda running outside, yelling at the mean door guy, running back in, then running back out. My outfit was pretty slutty and totally not equipped for being outdoors at night in NYC in January in New York so as a result I relapsed on the cold I got from doing the gang-bang. That sucked!
But once everyone was in, it was great. I did the NYE countdown with the few BurningAngel girls who managed to get into the party. I auctioned off Jessee Lee and let someone in the audience kiss her on New Years. Heheheh- I am such a pimp! I did a burlesque show and that was fun too. I was actually really nervous about it. Doing stripper tricks is easy for me but I figured it was about time for me to learn how to dance without a pole. Doing a burlesque show is like putting on a little play. For those of you who didn’t see it- the dance was about … you know… being a hoe. I don’t know how else to say it. The first few seconds of the song was that Barbie Girl song by aqua, and while that played I pranced around the stage like a barbie in a poofy pink dress and then the song stopped and a record scratched and DJ Jess said "yo Joanna- you’re not a Babrie Girl- you’re a BurningAngel girl! What the hell are you doing?!" and then Rebel Girl by Bikini Kill came on and I did this crazy slutty dance. It was fun, I am so hard on myself though… I think I could have done better. The act over all was cute. I think I will do the act again at my party in Vegas. I am determined! I want to be the best Barbie Girl who morphs into a Rebel girl that there ever was!
Ah what else. Last year was a rough one… a whole lot of nothing happened but I was really busy doing it. I am really trying to get my company in gear. I know I always say that… we have been really working on re launching BurningAngel forever. It was like my only goal for the year to get it done and it didn’t happen but I promise it will happen soon! I can’t show you the new version yet but it’s really pretty and like, a fun place to hang out. In 2006 I did a lot of stuff with Hustler and I was all about um.. how do I say this… yeah I can admit- I really liked being um "cool" in the porn industry. I don’t really care about the "porn industry" anymore- and I don’t care about Hustler. All I really care about is my crappy little website that won’t be so crappy anymore when we actually relaunch it. I am saying this as I am approaching the Venitan to be here for the AVN awards which is like the epicenter of all that is porn but- I will tell you this- here is why I am going to the show- because I want to meet you guys. The only thing I care about is spending time with my fans and giving you some nice Joanna Angel memorabelia to take home. Thankfully Adam and Eve is letting me sign at their booth so I have a nice little station to meet you guys (and girls) at. One day it would be awesome if BurningAngel could have its own booth. That would rule! But right now I can just piggy back on other peoples. Adam and Eve is releasing "Not Another Porn Movie" this month- blah blah blah
What else. My episode of LA Ink just aired. I didn’t see it- DUH! because I am in a car. I drive a nissan. Not one of those bling bling mobiles with TV’s in it. One day I would like to get anicer car, but so help me god… if you see me ever driving anything with a TV in it throw me down the stairs!
Anyways, we are parking and shit now. It’s time for me to go.
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