Skate or Die- and I’m about to die of heat exhaustion

posted by kevin11 on June 21, 2008


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Last week I went to the Transworld Skateboarding Awards show. I never blogged about it because … well it is really hot outside. It has made me lose my will to live.

It is still hot but I did purchase a few flowey summer dresses that have rejuvenated my will to live.

OH MY GOD that was really morbid sounding. Sorry. But really it is like 107 degrees outside and my air conditioner is like giving up.

Anyways, why was I at the skateboarding awards show? Well, you see, I was asked to be the "trophy girl" – it was a really complicated job. It entailed handing out trophy’s to the winners on stage. Porn star Asa Akira was also a trophy girl as well. It was a nice balance I think- a hot asain girl along side a Jewish girl.

Every awards show I have been to in my life has been a porn awards show. I’ve watched other ones on TV like the VMA’s and the Grammy’s and shit but I have never been to any of those. The biggest porn awards show obviously is the AVN awards show but through the years I have been to the XRCO awards, and the FAME awards as well

I’ve had a lot of friends throughout the years beg me for tickets to the AVN awards, and I usually talk them out of it. I don’t know if you’ve seen the show (it’s been replayed on Showtime every few hours for the past few months) but it’s actually quite boring. It’s a real deal serious awards show… girls spend more on their dresses than most of you make in six months… and people really cry, and scowl at each other when they don’t win what they thought they should have won. Every time someone goes on stage to get their award, half the crowd whispers to each other things like "oh my god, I can’t believe she won that award… what the fuck, she TOTALLY didn’t deserve that." I have to admit, I am guilty of this crime as well. Seriously, I don’t think you guys understand how much emotional stress, and drama ensues over the tough competition to win an award for "best blowjob."

The friends of mine who have gone to the show left really disappointed. They expected to see a big orgy. Unfortunately porn stars aren’t doing porn 24 hours a day 7 days a week… that includes myself- and I definitely don’t wanna partake in an orgy wearing the most expensive dress I own. Hey don’t get me wrong- I love getting dolled up for the show, I love the stress of looking for a dress, and thinking of a hairstyle, and I really do love leaving the show with a piece of plastic with my name on it congratulating me on making some of the best smut out there…. but the AVN awards is definitely a room full of porn stars being as un-porny as possible. Everyone’s sexuality is completely non-existent for those two hours… the only thought in our heads is I WANT TO WIN! and "does my hair look OK?"

The Transworld awards show though- was quite the opposite. Everyone went on stage to accept their awards with a blunt in one hand, and a can of PBR in the other. Everyone there was wearing Vans, cut off shorts, and a tee shirt with some skateboarding companies name on it. And when "Fully Flared" won for best video- I have never seen a crowd rejoice as much as they did. Seriously- everyone was so HAPPY for them. A skater by the name of "Guy Mariano" won just about every important award that night. The more awards he won, the happier everyone seemed to be. Fellow skaters and even opponents who were nominated for the same things he was, and lost- rushed the stage to hand him more weed, hug him, and give him "hi fives" and shit. It was really, quite beautiful.

Anyways, this whole night kind of inspired me. It’s easy to get caught up in all the competitive porn nonsense, because the truth is, winning awards does really feel good and losing them does not…. but uh… if everyone in the world acted like a skater than I think it would be a happier place.

Here are a few pictures from the show.

heres me and Asa and Matt Miller

and here is me and Asa and Tony Hawk

Oh and PS- I guess Tony Hawk is like the Jenna Jameson of skateboarding right? I mean, if someone knows nothing about porn, they still know who Jenna Jameson is. I know nothing about skateboarding… but I definitely know who Tony Hawk is. At the AVN awards, Jenna brings a body guard, and Tito (who is bigger than her body guard) and an assortment of managers and publicists and what not. It’s always a "thing" backstage at the show. Everyone in porn always wants to talk to Jenna but it’s pretty hard to even smile at her. Tony Hawk just kinda rolled up by himself… and like… sat backstage just looking at his phone and eating peanuts. I thought it would be impossible to get a picture with him, but I probably could have taken like 20 more and he wouldn’t have cared.

and here is me- totally over dressed- but whatever.

and here is me and Asa again- holding up and issue of a skateboarding magazine that neither of us have ever read.



3 Responses to “Skate or Die- and I’m about to die of heat exhaustion”

  1. vendettaangel said...

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    Ohmygoddess Joanna yo look so fucking pretty!

  2. Lorenza said...

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    Love the advice. Thank you.

  3. stronxo_doctord said...

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    u are so frankly, saying the magz that u never read it, i like the truth

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