I have been friends with Chris Nieratko for quite some time now, and we have worked on a bunch of things together at this point. He “reviewed” some of my porn movies in his book Skinema. By “review” I mean he basically used them to talk about his life, but he still mentioned the movies in some way or another. He also did a documentary piece on me for his web TV show, also called Skinema (he is obviously not very good at coming up with new names for projects he does) , and he is also a regular record reviewer (kind of) for BurningAngel . Me and him had a radio show for a few months on Moheak.com , a very small online radio station. We did the show for free, hoping that it would be good experience, and help the station take off but- somehow we managed to get fired from the job we did for free. The station told me to not be hurt- they just had to move in a different direction, I have been fired before and I have at this point in life fired people- so I know that is just a nicer way of saying “you’re fired.”I don’t really get it. I really loved the radio show and I think the 9 other people who listened to it liked it too!
In any case, this past weekend Chris and I had some adventures. He decided to put my ass in a skateboarding video he shot for Vans.com. I am not trying to sound gangster like, “he put my ass in this video” like, he literally shot skateboarder Elijah Berle skating with my ass kind of in the way. I think he did this to either piss people off at Vans, or he just wanted to show my ass to some skateboarders. Either way, I was fine with it. Hopefully he does not get fired from Vans the way we got fired from Moheak.
Anyways- here are some photos from the shoot so you kinda get it.
Chris is in the corner shooting my ass so you can’t see him.
Here is a really awesome shot from the camera- it’s actually kind of artsy ?
You know, I would follow Chris to the end of the earth, and I believe in every project he does- and I would happily get fired from anything, as long as I was getting fired with him. We are like the very un-dynamic duo. I know I am kind of a weirdo, and at times I feel alone in this world. It’s nice to know someone who is just as weird as I am- who also grew up in New Jersey . I am happy to have him in my life!
Happy Monday everyone!
I would like to apologize for slacking on my blog. Life got kinda wacky and I disappeared for a few days. I’M SORRY. I know. I’m not really giving a good excuse. I’m going to blame Mitt Romney, because I blame him for anything going wrong at the moment. Is that OK?
Well I am back in Los Angeles- and this past weekend Jessie Lee and I hosted an event at Club Crimson. It’s a club that is inside of Hollywood Sports– which ironically is not in Hollywood. It’s knda like, how Manhattan Bagel is down the street from me in Los Angeles – or I pass a Hollywood Tans when I go to my moms house in New Jersey. There is a “Hollywood Sports” about 30 minutes outside of Hollywood. So don’t get confused like I did and look for a Club Crimson in Hollywood!
The club is actually quite beautiful. It was hard for me to get good photos from the inside because it was so dark, but it really looks like a Gothic palace. There are a bunch of props in there left over from The Haunted (I think- or it was a different horror movie- there were definitely props in there from some big horror movie) but it’s really very pretty. Century Media Records is doing a bunch of events there, so if you like going places that are not in Hollywood but have the name Hollywood in it, that are at cool creepy looking places you should totally go. Anyways, here is me and Jessie Lee! Creeeeeeeeeepy
As me and Jessie walked through Hollywood Sports lots of zombies came out and chased us. I was really scared! Jessie kept laughing at me because she was totally not phased at all. Every time a zombie jumped out at me, I kept telling myself I wouldn’t be scared the next time, but I was scared every time.
This little one was my favorite. it latched onto Jessie’s leg and didn’t leave us alone.
Anyways- that was that! It was a fun thing to do in October. I am now totally ready to celebrate Halloween for the rest of the month.
Yesterday I basically disappeared into a hole. I came out of the hole around 8 pm and then watched the debates. I probably should have just stayed in the hole. Those debates gave me anxiety! I am deathly afraid of Mitt Romney. If you didn’t watch them, you should probably catch up on the highlights . It’s important to truly understand what a cluster-fuck this country is in right now, and it’s also important to understand jokes that will be on Saturday Night Live and The Daily Show , and most likely in a pornographic scene on my website in the near future.
In any case, before I crawled into a sick hole I was fortunate enough to have eaten at Peter Luger’s Steakhouse in Brooklyn, NY. It’s a world renown steakhouse, and I don’t even really like steak that much but, the steak there doesn’t even taste like steak. It tastes like some kind of euphoric drug. There might actually be ecstasy inside of the steak.Maybe that’s why I got sick the next day? I was just actually “coming down” or whatever you call the day after you take ecstasy and don’t feel good.
Aside from the taste, I really do appreciate that restaurant because it feels so old fashioned, and there is no bullshit. The entire menu is just steak, potatoes, and 2 vegetable sides. No weird seared duck fat flavored something or other- no overpriced dishes that are the size of a thumbtack, and nothing you can’t pronounce on the menu. And all the waiters are old grumpy Italian men. I told the waiter I lived in Los Angeles, and he proceeded to tell me how much he hated Los Angeles- and how stupid all the beaches were there, and how fake all the people were, and how much he hates how everyone asks how you are doing in LA even if they don’t give a shit about you. It was pure comedy to hear him talk about it in his thick Italian accent. Before he stormed off in a rage, I managed to get a photo with him.
Luger’s is not the kind of restaurant you can go to every day, but it’s a nice treat once a year. It’s something everyone who isn’t a vegetarian should experience at least once in their lifetime.
Well tonight I am a guest on UCB Theater’s show 7 second Delay! I am really excited. Tune in and listen on WFMU 91.1FM, Jersey City, NJ & 90.1FM, Mount Hope, NY.
It’s real pretty here and the weather is beautiful . I can’t tell you how much I miss seasons, especially Fall, since Los Angels is devoid of major climate change. Anyway, It’s all educational looking and shit, when I was checking into my hotel every customer was here to see some kid of theirs at BROWN (the Ivy League school ), and here I am ready to show this city my butthole!
So come see me at the Cadillac Lounge tonight !
Tommy Pistol is kind of like my brother, who I occasionally have sex with on camera. And like most brothers and sisters, we like to pick on each other. Actually, in our relationship, I am more like the mean older brother and he is kind of like my annoying little sister- who I have no problem picking on, but god forbid if I see someone else picking on him (or her??) I would kick their ass.
In any case, he called me a few times today and I didn’t call him back. I always have at least 3 missed calls from my mother, and Tommy Pistol any time I look at my phone. He then texted me and said “Look, my penis is the size of a can of Red Bull!”
And then I told him that was a small can of Red Bull, but I was glad his penis was watching its sugar intake.
So for all you people out there who ever wondered how big Tommy Pistol’s penis was, it’s a little bigger than a small can of Red Bull. It’s a good size, for a penis and a Red Bull. I mean, those huge cans of Red Bull aren’t really good for you anyways.