I am so happy to announce that I took part in an awesome project, and wrote a chapter in Jiz Lee’s Coming Out Like A Porn Star. It’s not about the traditional “coming out” that most people think of – it’s about porn stars and their relationships with their parents, and how we “came out” to them them about our jobs. I had a lot of fun writing my chapter – it’s all about how BurningAngel started, and how ironically the unconditional love I had from my strict religious extremely NOT open minded parents got me through everything. It’s certainly not your typical porn story – or even your typical mother daughter relationship story. I look forward to all of you reading this and I really look forward to reading the chapters of the other amazing contributors.
Here’s a short passage from my chapter!
…I went downstairs to the basement to watch some music. It was a local band I’d always liked. The lead singer was a girl who was in the women’s studies department at Rutgers. Before her set she gave long speech about sexual abuse, and how it was tied to porn, and then in a nutshell she said that porn had no place in the music scene. My heart stopped. Was she directing this at me? Or did she just happen to choose today to air her grievances about pornography? Did she know that this was my basement she was singing in? Did she know how many shifts at Applebees I had to work to afford my $220 portion of the rent, which included basement access? The next band played, and before their set, they dedicated a song to “a certain girl who stands up for what she believes in.” Was that who I was now? A girl who believed in being naked on the internet? What the hell had I gotten myself into?
I ran up the three flights of stairs to my bedroom and shut the door. I panicked on my Ikea twin bed, and the walls seemed like they were closing in on me. (Okay, so maybe the pot brownie had a little to do with that, too.) I wasn’t ready for this. I wasn’t expecting any of this. A part of me wanted to take down BurningAngel, move far far away and never speak of this again. And another part of me felt that this strange thing I’d started had the potential to become something really amazing. It had to be one or the other. I had to make a choice. And then I thought to myself, for the very first time in my life: I need my mother…
Pre-order your copy on Amazon today and get it before everyone else has it =)
So, as most of you know, Christy Mack suffered from some extreme physical abuse by her partner, or ex partner, “War Machine.” He has a long history of violence – way beyond what may be considered “normal” or “professional” for an MMA fighter. As I am writing this, he has just now been captured by police hiding out in a hotel, but now hopefully he will be brought to justice.
Unfortunately, domestic abuse is something I see far too often these days. It’s something I have in the past suffered from myself, and it’s horrible. I see people recover more quickly from heroin addiction than they do from an abusive relationship. In addition to the physical damage that occurs, what is sometimes worse and more long term, is the mental/emotional damage. It can take years to re-wire your brain and re-build your self esteem.
To all men and women – if you see any signs of an abusive partner, please…. try to find the strength to get out of the relationship before it’s too late. If your partner is ever calling you degrading names – this is a sign. I am not talking about calling someone a jerk if they don’t do the dishes. Like if you are getting called a dumb cunt, a fucking moron, ugly, etc- when it’s not in jest, it’s inexcusable. If your partner is telling you not to be friends with certain people, and keeping you isolated- that’s a sign. If you feel scared around the person you’re dating, and you can’t be yourself around them that’s truly not how it’s supposed to be. If you’re constantly made out to feel like you’re in the wrong, yet your partner won’t ever take responsibility for anything – that’s a sign as well. When people are in abusive relationships, after a while, one starts to think this is all normal. Your partner is supposed to bring the best out in you – if you’re crying half the time and living in fear the other half – something is wrong. These are just a few red flags to look out for, but one of the most important things to remember is that you are a human being worthy of love and life.
I don’t mean to sound all after school special on anyone. This is a serious problem – I see people making excuses for their abusive partners far too often, and in the past I have done it myself. I write this from a very happy place now, but I went to therapy several times a week, for a few years – I still go sometimes. Getting help has been invaluable to my own healing process so that I did not slip back into accepting more abuse in my life.
In any case, Christy – I am so incredibly sorry you’ve suffered from such an extreme form of abuse. From one tattooed pornstar to another – you are not alone, and please, take care of yourself.
For the next month, I will be donating 50% of my Fleshlight royalties to Christy’s medical fund, or you can directly donate to her fundraiser here. It’s a small gesture, but I hope it helps you on the road to recovery.
If you or someone you know may be suffering from abuse, please contact The National Domestic Violence Hotline – 1-800-799-7233.
PS – Speaking up is important. We will return to our regularly scheduled posts of tits and ass next week.
This past weekend was a very short but eventful trip to NYC.
I had the pleasure of speaking at Barnard College, a Seven Sisters member (an association of liberal arts colleges throughout the north east that are historically women’s colleges) and affiliate of Columbia University since 1900. I was a pretty mediocre student when I went to college – I never imagined myself as a speaker at an institution that I wasn’t even smart enough to get into when I was graduating high school. Pretty crazy!
I spoke at a “Sociology and Sexuality” class alongside a director in gay porn – a woman who goes by the name of “Mr. Pam“. She was the first woman director in gay porn, and when the first studio she worked for had doubts of hiring her because of her gender, she coined the name “Mr. Pam” poking fun at the whole thing. Her story was interesting and I enjoyed hearing about it.
Hellooooo, Mister! Haha
I spoke a little about how I started BurningAngel, which the class enjoyed since I was exactly their age when I started. It really feels like a lifetime ago, which at this point I guess it was. I touched lightly upon the sensitive issue of Feminism and porn – and the relationship between porn and sexuality. The good thing about speaking to an Ivy League crowd is that everyone was extremely smart, and for the most part asked very thought provoking questions that I enjoyed answering.
The bad thing is some students think they know everything! And they know a lot about a lot of things… but they don’t know that much about porn. I won’t single anyone out here, but it seems like a common mistake people make is that they see one or two porn clips, and they assume that every porn ever made is just like that one. The porn industry gets this a lot! It’s one of the only industries people like to point a finger at and say it’s all one thing. For instance, when people hear a song they don’t like… they don’t just assume all music is horrible. Or if people see a movie in the theater they don’t like, they don’t criticize all of Hollywood.
The recurring topic came up – of whether domestic abuse is a consequence of porn. The argument one particular student in the class said, “Well people these days learn how to have sex by watching porn, so people are seeing those violent acts on screen and mimicking them at home.”
I responded, “Do you think there’s ‘violence’ in every porno? I can tell you that month I shot a porno where Tommy Pistol wore a leotard, and his ‘ballet teacher’ seduced him because she thought he needed to have more anal sex in order to be a ballet dancer. I sure hope someone tried to mimic that at home … if they did I would love to see it!”
I am sure the student saw a clip of some kind of extreme BDSM gangbang… and assumed that every porn was like that. And while I fully support anyone directing/producing/partaking in BDSM gangbangs…. they aren’t for everyone. Someone who is offended by them should just watch something else.
I could go on and on about this.
I hope I was able to demystify a few assumptions about the porn industry, and it was really nice to meet the students. It was a unique opportunity, and while I have played a dirty teacher in movies before, I never really got to play one in real life!
I know this blog has been very Finland-centric and I hope you aren’t sick of reading about it! If you went to Finland, you would be talking about it excessively as well.
Anyways, so when I was in Finland at Bar Bakkari – I saw a very memorable music video on the TV screens there. The same song played once in Finnish and once in English, and it was a song about having a boring life then growing a mustache and having an exciting life. The English not quite translated well, and the concept being hilarious to begin with and it just being a damn catchy song made me obsessed with it.
After the video played twice, everyone in the bar clapped. Everyone spoke amongst each other but I had no idea what they were saying.
When I got home I searched the song, and found it on Bar Bakkari’s website. The bar is a big part of the music video. I can’t tell what the association is between the two though – not sure the staff wrote this song together or what? The “band” is called “Backstache” – and “Bar Bakkari” means “Backstage” when translated into English, so I am pretty sure it’s just a side project of people from the bar.
I also learned that the entire song was written and produced in honor of Movember, and was not in fact just a funny song about mustaches. So it’s for a good cause.
I will just stop talking about this and make you watch the video. It will change your life on many levels.
Support Movember, and support mens’ health with or without mustaches! Click here to donate to Backstache’s Movember team!
It’s the day before the election and while some of you might be split on your choice, or lack of choice for this presidential run, I think we can all agree that whoever is reading this blog likes porn– and more importantly- LIKES ME!!! With that being said, if you have any concern for me being able to keep doing what I am doing, or, pornography in general, then please vote NO on Measure B ( if you vote in Los Angeles county).
Measure B is funded by the Aids Healthcare Foundation and if it passes everyone who shoots porn in Los Angeles will be required to wear condoms, dental dams, gloves and a whole bunch of completely non-erotic shit you do not want to see on camera.
If the law passes, government officials are going to scour Los Angeles and go to every porn set they find and hand out outrageous fines and possibly 6 months imprisonment to anyone on set. It’s quite scary, not to mention a huge waste of tax payer money and resources.
I’ve been in porn for quite some time and feel 100% safe with the testing procedures and standards the adult industry holds itself to. It’s a hell of a lot safer than most of the promiscuous sex that goes on in this world. In addition to that, adult companies and performers deserve a choice to shoot condom only and /or work for condom only companies. This choice should not be made by a bunch of people who aren’t in porn. It’s unjust to be threatened with jail time unless I follow a bogus health code set by someone who has never been on a porn set.
To make a long story short, Measure B isn’t going to help anyone in the porn industry; it’s going to cost taxpayers a lot of money and waste a lot of time – time I could be using to make more porn for you all of you to see!
Read more about Measure B here